Karen and the Two Musketeers
by Ilovepercyjacksonsomuch
Summary: Little Sisters series. Just me making fun of the series. How does Karen handle going to High school? She doesn't. First BSC fanfic please R&R.
1. Chapter 1

Nancy's POV:

"Ooh, new guy." I whispered to Hannah, who'd long since dropped the pigtails and the Hannie nickname.

She looked over, and nodded approvingly. "He's hot. But not as hot as Josh."

I rolled my eyes. Hannah hasn't stopped talking about Josh all summer. "Go talk to him."

She bit her perfectly made-up lip, before nodding. "Ok. But, you have to go talk to Mr. Newbie."

"Don't mind if I do."

We hopped of the low brick wall and began to walk in towards school.

I quickly got out my compact mirror to check I looked ok. Makeup- flawless. My mint green sundress matched my shoes and nails, and it all looked super cute with my short red hair.

Slipping away my mirror I glanced at my bestie. She'd straightened her black hair so it looked even longer than usual.

"I'm so glad I told you to buy that dress" I grinned at her. "The polka dots are super cute."

Hannah flicked her hair. "Thanks babe."

"HOW ARE YOU SO HOT!?" I thought to myself. Thank goodness I didn't say it out loud.

Instead, I grinned at Luke (new guy) and said, "So, you think you can find your way round now?"

"No" He laughed, which made me want to melt like a popsicle on a hot day.

"Gimme your phone." I gestured to him, as he handed it to me I noticed it was one of the newest smart phones on the market. I wasn't surprised, this is the school for the very rich.

I handed him back his phone and said smoothly, "There's my number. You get lost, or I don't know, want to hang out, just call me."

"Will do, Nancy Drew." He laughed, winked and sauntered down the hallway.

Before I could fully enjoy Luke's backside (which was every bit as perfect as the rest of him.) I noticed a pink chiffon blur running down the hallway and my heart sank.

"HEY NANCY!" It screamed smashing innocent students with her waving arms.

"Hey Karen." I managed to grimace in a way that slightly reassembled a smile.

"HEY NANCY. WHERE'S HANNIE THE THIRD MUSKETEER SO WE CAN DO OUR SECRET HANDSHAKE. DO YOU LIKE MY DRESS IT'S ACTUALLY A BRIDESMAIDS DRESS BUT I ADDED MORE FRILLS AND SPARKLES SO I COULD WEAR IT TO SCHOOL. MOMMY BOUGHT IT FOR ME. IT WAS PROBABLY WORTH HER WHOLE LIFE SAVINGS BECAUSE SHE LIVES IN THE LITTLE HOUSE. AND I WAS LATE TO SCHOOL BECAUSE I'M A TWO-TWO AND I COULD NOT FIND GOOSIE THE STUFFED CAT BUT HE WAS UNDER MY BED BUT NOW HE IS HERE SEE."

She pulled a mangled ball of stuffing from her Barbie backpack.

I used the pause to say "Inside voice, Karen." I could feel a Karen migraine coming on.

Apparently, that was the wrong thing to say because Karen burst into tears.

"I miss Ms. Colman." She whisper-sobbed and tried to wipe her tears from behind her ridiculously huge glasses.

She rolled up in a ball and began wailing and rocking back and forth.

I decided the best option was to walk away from the crying ball of fluffy pink.

A/N Hey! This is me just completley mocking The Little Sister series.

Well that was fun. Bye.

Review and I will give you jewellery that Claudia made.


	2. Chapter 2

Hannah's POV:

I was on a wave of joy after talking to Josh. We were going for Pizza this Saturday! I was so excited.

I went to go text Nancy the good news, but she'd already texted me

Do not go into the Bio corridor. DON'T DO IT.

Forgetting about Josh I text back

Wat happnd?

She texts back a single word that sends fear into my soul.

Karen.

Swallowing bile, I realise with horror that I have biology right now.

Bracing myself, I turn down the corridor.

Thank goodness, Karen was sobbing into someone's leg too hard to notice me. I slip quietly into the classroom and look round for someone I know. Noticing no one, I stand to the side of the classroom.

The teacher enters the room with an enthusiastic grin of a first year teacher.

Far too cheerily for so early in the morning she announces "Hello boys and girls, I'm your teacher Ms. Hoffwater. How about we stand in a circle, and introduce ourselves."

I'm just mumbling through my introduction, when the door slides open and a whimpering ball of pink fluff is pushed through the door by the janitor's broom.

Oh no.

Karen stands up, still sniffling disgustingly, then notices me.

"HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNN NNNNNNIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" She wails in delight and tries to strangle me, oh wait she's just hugging me.

"CAN YOU BELIEVE WE'RE IN THE SAME CLASS HANNIE. TOO BAD NANCY'S NOT HERE, OH WELL THIS WILL BE AMAAAAAAAAAAAAZZZZIIIIING!"

The poor teacher coughs and says "How about you stand in the circle and introduce yourself quietly."

Karen pushes the girl next to me over shoves herself into the circle and says "Hi, I'm Karen and I'm a Two-Two. A Two-Two is a person who has two of everything. Two bikes, houses, beds, wardrobes, bedrooms, two of everything. Except I did not have two of Tickly, my blanky, but then I cut it in half so I never forget him. I have a very big family. At the Little house there's me and Mommy and Seth and Andrew and Midgy-"

The teacher looks horrified but surprisingly keeps her cool and points to the next girl,who's still glaring at Karen.

Karen whispers to me (or tries to whisper. She's not yelling, which is whispering for Karen.) "What a meanie-mo. I do not like the teacher one smidge. What is her name?"

I whisper back "Ms. Hoffwater."

Next second my ear nearly exploded.

"MS. HOFFWATER! THAT'S LIKE MRS. HOFFMAN. WE'LL CALL HER HATEY HOFFWATER. QUICK!" Karen began spinning her arms wildly "HELP ME TURN MY DRESS AROUND!"

It seemed like a long time until her dad arrived with Karen's straightjacket.

And when I say her straightjacket, I mean that she'd written her name on in glitter.

And she insisted on wearing it backwards.

A/N That was based on Karen's New Teacher #21, just in case you were wondering.

Review or Mary Anne will cry AGAIN. Actually she'll probably cry either way.


	3. Chapter 3

Karen's POV:

I picked up my diary and my sparkly pink gel pen and begin to write:

Dear Diary,

Boo and Bullfrogs.

Daddy had locked me in the attic again. When I was younger I used to be scared of Ben Brewer, but Kristy told me if I was silent for an hour, Ben Brewer wouldn't hurt me, but if I made even one squidgeon of noise, he'd kill me.

I'm so lucky to have a big sister like Kristy, who doesn't mind when I call her at 3 in the morning at her college. Only now the number doesn't work anymore, which is a mystery.

I am very good at solving mysteries. Like when my brother David Micheal stole Emily Michelle (the rat, not my sister) I found her.

Once, my other two musketeers said David Micheal was "hot" which was silly, because he didn't have a fever or anything.

Sometimes I worry that the three musketeers are not as close as we used to be. When we watched Three Musketeers the movie they just squealed when Logan Lerman was on screen. I think they missed the message of the movie which is "All for one and one for all!"

Whew, I almost said that out loud and Ben Brewer would have killed me.

But I have a gigundo secret. One night I snuck out, pricked their fingers while they were sleeping and made us blood sisters! So now our family is even bigger, and we have four houses between us. That makes me a four-four! Except Hannie's parents have a restraining order against me, so I guess I won't live there. And Nancy's dad throws rocks at me when I walk past their house. Maybe that's a Jewish thing.

I guess that's another mystery.

Being 15 is very hard. It is really hard to find pink, sparkly tutus in your size. Also, the boys are very immature. Except Ricky, my pretend husband. Only Ricky has now missed a lot of school because he is in "rehab." Whatever that is.

Now I spend a lot of time at Daddy's because Mommy said her house is too little. Now, only a few people live here, just Daddy and Elizabeth and David Micheal. They live on the first and second floors. I'm only allowed on the third floor. Everyone else, even the pets moved away. I have no idea why. I guess I have a lot of mysteries.

Being a two-two can be very hard.

A/N Okay, that was really bad but fun :)

Review or Kristy and Abby will come to your house to argue over who gets to be the sporty, loud one.

Oh, and sorry if I offended anyone with any of this, it was just for fun.

And I did put Logan Lerman in :D


	4. Chapter 4

Hannah's POV

Managing to throw myself over the hordes. I manage to grab onto my locker. Sighing with relief I put in my combination and pulled open the door.

And was instantly buried under a pile of paper and glitter.

"Mughhhhh!" I screamed. I began choking on the glitter. Was I going die under pile of sparkles?

I was just deciding if my grave should read Death by glitter or sparkles, when someone grabbed my hand and yanked me from my death.

My thanks died in throat as I saw who my savior was.

Without even having time to blink the glitter from my eyes, my favourite two-two was off again.

"HEY HANNAH-BANANA. HAHAHAHAHAHA ISN'T THAT SO FUNNY." She was dementedly grinning at me, like the Cheshire cat on a sugar high.

I nodded, already exhausted.

"DID YOU GET MY INVITATIONS? I MADE SURE TO PUT EXTRA IN NANCY'S LOCKER, SO SHE DIDN'T GET MAD AT ME, LIKE WHEN I HAD A SLEEPOVER."

I looked down the hall to see a river of students, invitations and one very confused janitor trying to sweep it up. Trying to ignore the moans of pain I turned to Karen, who was wearing what looked like a orange prisoner's jumpsuit. If a prisoner ever got caught in a fight between fake diamonds and feathers.

"Are you having another sleepover?" I tried to keep the panic from my voice. Last time Karen had a sleepover it resulted in two arrests and an attempted suicide. (Actually, that was just during hide and seek when Addie rolled her wheelchair out the window to get away from Karen and the axe she was using to find people.)

"NO WAY. A BAZILLION TIMES BETTER! READ YOUR INVITATION SILLY BILLY!"

The invitation read:

KAREN'S TEA PARTY

Who: All the girls from Ms. Colman's class. (GIRLS ONLY ABSOLUTLEY NO NO NO BOYS ALOUD.)

When: This Saturday 12-4

Where: Daddy's letting me use the playroom as long as I don't use any sharp objects.

SEE YOU ALL THEIR!

This was decorated by butterflies, unicorns and, you guessed it, glitter.

Ignoring the spelling and grammatical errors I managed to work out what was happening. Lovely lady time.

"Karen" I tried to think of a semi-plausible excuse. "I-I think I'm busy-"

"NOPE. I ALREADY HACKED YOUR PHONE CALENDER, YOU'RE FREE ALL DAY. YOU COULD COME OVER EARLY SO WE CAN ALL GET DRESSED LIKE LOVELY LADIES. OH BULLLLLLLFROGS!" She suddenly screeched.

The world went silent for a moment. By the time my ears had recovered themselves, I could hear Karen's stomping and yelling again. (Think I'd rather be deaf.)

"-LEFT MY FEATHER BOA AT MOMMY'S HOUSE. THIS IS GIGUNDOLY UNFAIR."

Ever since Karen had tried to cut of Andrew's ear to help him with his Vincent Van Gogh project, Karen spent one day every two months with her Mom. The rest of the time her dad gave her the whole third floor to live on. Their huge family had shrank to three people, and believe me, if they could have moved away, they would have too.

Yet again Karen had been reduced to a snivelling ball of snot.

I took this opportunity to quickly wade away through the invitations that littered the hall.

.

.

.

A/N

Hey, I've finally writen this chapter! Sorry it's been awhile.

Thanks to all the lovely reviews, constructive critism and ideas. I really appreciate it.

To all the not-so-lovely reviewers, calm down, okay. This story's just for a laugh.

Anyway, please review, it makes me so happy, really.


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